


can you hear me screaming (please don't leave me)

by raspberryghoulaid



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Loves Luke So Much, Alex is Hurting, Alot of angst, Canon Gay Character, Heavy Angst, I Love Alex and I'm Sorry For This, Lalex Angst, M/M, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Lalex, Past Relationship(s), Present Ruke, Someone Give Alex a Hug, Sunset Curve, Unrequited Love, it hurt writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27989742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspberryghoulaid/pseuds/raspberryghoulaid
Summary: a study of Alex and how he copes watching the boy he loves fall in love with someone else.
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Alex Mercer, Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters
Comments: 13
Kudos: 54





	can you hear me screaming (please don't leave me)

Alex recognizes the look in his bandmate’s eyes immediately, watches Luke direct his gaze at the black-haired boy and feels the wheels in his head spinning as the scene in front of him unfolds: Luke advancing towards Reggie as the lyrics to _Edge of Great_ spill from his lips. Alex doesn’t know if they even remember he's still in the room, or if they just don't care, Luke’s hand wrapping around the nape of Reggie’s neck as the bassist just gapes at him, starstruck. 

Once upon a twenty-something years ago, Alex had known that look all too well. The softness in Luke’s eyes, the gentleness of his touches, or the way he always smelled of sandalwood and vanilla (Emily was never _not_ baking something). Those things came almost unexpectedly, although Alex would be lying to himself if he ever defined his feelings for Luke as unexpected, because Alex had felt his love for Luke only growing ever since they were fifteen during a game of spin the bottle in which Luke had landed on Alex and they shared their first real kiss. 

After that, everything just seemed to fall into place in slow motion, and it took Alex a while to even fully realize the budding of their relationship from friends into something so much more. Afternoon rehearsals at Luke’s house turned into sleepovers at Luke’s house, where they would wake up in the morning a tangle of limbs with Luke’s breath on his neck as he held him the way Alex had always wanted to be held. Alex started being unable to contain the redness in his cheeks whenever Luke changed in front of him (which seemed to be happening a lot more frequently, might he add). Luke’s hand would find his at every opportunity, under the lunch tables at school, on the bus going home, and when certain nights called for movie marathons and their fingers would brush underneath the blanket until eventually weaving together in solidarity. 

Alex was so oblivious to this new development for a while, in fact, that when Luke had come out as pansexual and then confessed he thought Alex was cute all in the same sentence, Alex had laughed and the only thing he’d managed to muster was “Thanks, I think I’m cute too.” (Luke still teases him about it to this day). It wasn’t until later on, the pair of them sprawled across Luke’s bed trying (and failing) to get their Algebra homework done, that it dawned on Alex the true meaning of the other boy’s words. Luke had slammed his textbook shut, shifted so he was inches away from the blonde boy and repeated his words from earlier. “I think you’re _really_ pretty, Alex.” He’d whispered, searching the other boy’s gaze for any signs of objection before leaning in and capturing Alex’s lips with his own. 

It was only their second kiss, but it was significantly better than their first one, and Alex never wanted it to end. He parted his lips instantly, deepening the kiss, and soon enough Luke’s hands found his hips and Alex’s fingers pulled at Luke’s hair needily. Clothes were tossed aside without a care where they landed and Alex’s body was mapped by slow strokes of Luke’s tongue, skin on skin and heart to heart in a way Alex thought would only ever exist in his dreams. The bond between them shifted that night into something beautiful and exciting and something Alex thought would last forever. 

He could never have been more wrong. 

Fifteen turned into sixteen and time only brought Reggie and Bobby into their lives, and ultimately, _Sunset Curve_. Luke’s passion started to wean off of Alex and onto the music, and suddenly Alex couldn’t even remember when the last time they kissed was. Luke’s touches became rarer and less natural, and Alex stopped bothering to reciprocate, until one day he forced Luke to look him in the eye and tell him he still wanted this like Alex so desperately did. A part of him prayed the other boy would say _yes_ , that he would fight for their relationship to be what it once was, but the other, more rational part of him wasn’t the least bit surprised when Luke’s shoulders hung in defeat. 

Regardless, Alex had never stopped loving Luke after that, not even when they died and spent twenty-five years in, well, _whatever_ that dark place was. Not now, when he feels his heart shatter in his chest but manages to work up enough strength to say the words “Wow, I see chemistry.” Luke kisses his fingers, presses them to Reggie’s lips, and Alex smiles to hide the way he’s slowly but surely falling apart.

**Author's Note:**

> this is really angsty i apologize i don't mean to do Alex like this, this was just an idea that'd been stirring in my head for a while and i finally decided to write. i promise i intend to write less-angsty Lalex concepts in the future, because i genuinely do ship them and i've been meaning to write them for a while. Alex deserves better, and i'm sorry for this.


End file.
